"Hodge Podge"

From the title I am sure you can guess what this post will be. I have so many pics and even more thoughts that are a "hodge podge." I feel like my memories and feelings about my sweet little girl are rolling around my head (and memory card) without a home.

Isn't it amazing that our children develop with these personalities that are defined and creative? How they capture your heart at the most simple moments and you wish (like my mother-in-law always says) that you had a camera in your eyes so that you wouldn't miss the most precious moments. Brylee is......old. Not in the "year" sense of the word, but in the "knowing" sense of the word. Rusty and I have always been told "she doesn't even look like a newborn!" This is true but she doesn't act or think or develop like one either. I swear she is beyond words. She looks at me and I could swear that she is prodding my soul to do the right things. She wakes in the morning, and she smiles and her eyes dance. She turns her head ever so slightly to the side and shrugs her shoulders as if to flirt. I can't help but giggle and silently get wrapped around her finger even more. And that giggle.....oh that giggle cuts me to the very core!

As a mom and wife, I think we can feel like there is so much to be done that just can't get done all in one day. Some days I focus more on the "things" to be done than the fun I could have. I choose today to have fun. As I was sitting on the computer, my daughter played on the floor behind me. She would look side to side, up and down, and then rest her eyes on me when I would turn around to talk to her. When she locked my gaze, it was as if I heard her sweet voice tell me "Come and play....I won't be like this for long!" I started to cry a little when I realized that hotel reservations, car reservations, facebook, clean clothes and toilets, the perfect organized house and even blogging held no match for what my daughter could give me. I immediately stopped and crawled on the floor. As I approached her, her whole mouth opened into a huge mouth grin. She was pleased! I had made her happy!

That's all I live to do these days....make her happy!


In that moment I felt fed. The kind of fed that only comes from a good talk with my husband, a great talk in church, or the temple. The kind of fed that keeps you going for days and weeks and not minutes or hours. She feeds my soul and I feed hers. It's the most mutually satisfying relationship. She bats her eyes while she eats, and I talk and tell her how beautiful she is. I tell her how long we waited for her. I tell her stories of how I dreamed of having a baby.....and my dreams can't compare to what reality gave me! I also tell her how hard she has been. That having children is no fairy tale, but that it is so rewarding.

We talk.

My spirit listens.

And I'm happy.