Imperfection

(Please before reading this post, click on the pink button on my side bar that says "I read Nie Nie" and look for her picture. This post will make a whole lot more sense.)



I have had the desire to write this post since my beautiful baby was born. I am sure you think it is about how much I love her or how beautiful she is. Those things are very true, but this is about me this time.

You see, motherhood changes you.

So much for the better in a lot of ways, but in some ways, not so much. You feel as if angels have attended you, that you are among the most mighty of "she-woman's" after giving birth. I have never felt more proud of myself or more like a Daughter of God at any other moment.

And then it happens. You look in the mirror. Amongst the pride and glory you are left standing there with a sagging belly where a beautiful baby used to reside.


So last night as my baby slept, I was on the computer trying to find the type of jeans or dress that most flatter my "body type". I was becoming more and more discouraged. Sisters, (cuz really that's what you are all to me), I am not the "average" woman. I never have been. I mean, you have all seen my back end!!! But.....if there is one thing that I desire in this life, it is to be real. I shy away from those who are fake. I really don't trust to be around people who put on a good act but act far from good. We have all been around them. Maybe are good friends with some. However, I don't ever want to be that woman. She lacks self confidence and a sense of the truth. She doesn't trust herself or those around her to love her for who she is rather than what she portrays. I don't want those qualities. Now sure, I have been fake before. Some reading this can probably recall times and are amazed at my hypocrisy. Yes, I have been fake before. I confess!

I have followed the blog of Nie Nie (her button is the pink one on my side bar) since a few weeks after the airplane crash in St. Johns that took the life of their friend and badly injured and burned her husband and herself. I have grown to crave her posts. Her and Courtney's(her sister). They are beautiful examples of womanhood in action. I happened upon the post last night where she revealed to the world what her appearance is. It was three in the morning and I sat and wept. I wept for joy with this amazing woman. She is anything but fake. She shines, and that is what I would like to do.

Now don't get me wrong, I am on a quest now. It is a quest that is all about the physical. To be the best "physical" me I can be. I am buying new clothes, new shoes, new "stuff", and adapting a new work out regimen so that in the most shallow of ways, I feel good about myself. But, I want to surround myself with people like Nie. I have been in the company of those who would rather impress than understand. Who would rather show up and show off than be shown the truth of someone else. But, I have also sat in a room with my ward sisters, and felt that no matter how much I make fun of myself (or them) they will see ME! The me that is quirky and unsure. The me that lacks willpower most of the time, but I have always had really big plans to do something big. The me who shows up with chipped toe nail polish and hair pulled back. Cuz you see, I am nothing close to perfect. I openly admit it. I am learning to embrace it. I also HOPE to learn to improve.


So, here is to being a better me. Granted, a full figured, big back-ended, and a little on the quirky side, but none-the-less...

just ME.



(On a side note, through C Jane's blog I have found this site for modest dresses. You can visit it at www.shabbyapple.com. Hope that's ok for me to advertise? If not, send the citation to someone else....I am to poor to pay for it and the dress I just ordered!)