Miracles

Rusty and I believe in miracles. The fact that I got pregnant....miracle. The incredible way the human eye works...miracle. The fact that any baby, ours included, is born healthy and strong....miracle. The fact that there we found Dr. Segal to work on her feet....to us is a miracle.

You see, I have come to find out that miracles, much like the Atonement, are a very personal thing. What is a miracle to one, is just a coincidence to another. In the past two and a half weeks, we have had many miracles happen. Brylee is #1 on that list. She is amazing to me. The fact that she is here and ours....it amazes me. Fulfillment of promises given through priesthood blessings have been miracles for me. I would definitley count modern medicine as a miracle for us these past few weeks. A visit from a family member or friends....(tear) have been miracles as well.

Brylee's becoming part of our family has not been easy from day 1. Well from many days before day 1 actually. It was a long wait to get pregnant. Ten months is a long time for anyone to wait to see their child. No matter how hard all of that was, her 2 1/2 weeks on this earth have been the hardest...especially for her. We have known about Brylee's feet since Christmas. It was hard to hear but we got excited knowing that there was a definite help and cure. We were prepared for that challenge. Since her arrival, my poor little girl hasn't stopped crying. That is something no one can prepare you for. As I posted before, we thought I was starving her with my breast milk. Once we switched to formula, she seemed to get better. Not entirley, but a definite improvement. Then, she got her casts on, and we chalked her fussiness up to that (which I'm sure didn't help). But, it has been exactly one week and she is still crying about 18 hours a day like she is in pain. Everyone told me to wait it out, it would get better. Colic seemed to be what everyone thought. Somehow deep down inside, I knew my little girl was in pain.

My biggest miracle this week....prayer and revelation. It has been hard having a crying baby. I know many may be offended, but there were times I thought "Why did I want this so bad?", "I can't do this!" The worst day was Monday when Rusty got home from work. She had been crying off and on that whole day, but she really got going at around 5:00pm. Rusty walked in from work at 8:00pm. She cried non-stop for the whole three hours. I was a bawling mess. On top of the fact that she was crying and I couldn't help her, I had put her in the swing for 2-3minutes to do something. I checked in the room every minute or so to make sure she was ok. All of a sudden, Bronx barks at me and I turn to see her half-way out of the swing. It took only a second. SHE IS ONLY TWO WEEKS OLD! SHE SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THAT RIGHT? Well, I think her casts gave her leverage and there she was, hanging out of the swing. I ran and grabbed her and cried like you can't believe. As soon as Rusty walked in the door, I passed her off and ran to our room. It was then I asked for help for the first time from the one source I should have been turning to all along. I prayed for patience with my little girl. Strenth to do what it takes to help her, and most importantly, the inspiration to know what that might be. I prayed for a while, talked with Rusty for a long time, and felt better as I went to sleep that night.

The next day, we scheduled an appointment with a chiropractor to help with the colic. We have been told by many this would help. We were supposed to see the chiropractor yesterday but my prayers were answered. I had prayed for inspiration to know what to do to help her. Yesterday as I was grocery shopping something told me to cancel to appointment, and take her back to the pediatricians office. So I did. Another miracle. It seems that our baby is lactose intolerant and they think she might also have gastric reflux. She has been living with the worlds worst tummy ache! So now they have put her on this ultra expensive formula, and they will probably be giving her some medicine for the reflux. If it hadn't been for the spirit telling me what to do, she would still be in so much pain......another miracle.


I have struggled for the last two and a half weeks to feel like I was bonding with her. There would be days that I would be so frustrated with the constant crying that I would have to set her in her crib screaming, and go into my room to cry myself. It has been rough for her, but I couldn't stop being mad at her. I have talked to a lot of moms who said that they have felt this same way. I guess the reason I write about it is so that future new moms can know that it is normal to feel like this. I beat myself up for weeks before really talking about it, and come to find out, many new moms share in my feelings. While bringing a new baby home is one of the most amazing and life changing experiences you will have, it isn't always this euphoric experience that some people seem to have. Brylee is however starting to feel better, and we hope this time it is for good. It is amazing now that she is starting to have awake time without crying, to look in her eyes and know that she is half of me and half of Rusty. She and our other children will be the best things that we have ever done, that I know already.

So, any new moms out there, I am no expert (you know with my whole two weeks under my belt), but I guess we should just hang in there. As everyone keeps telling me, "It will get better." At least today, I really do believe that's true!